Elevate: It’s Your Move

Can’t we all just get along?

It comes around in the office every so often: an uncomfortable topic of conversation that makes hard-core debaters flex with talking points, conflict avoiders run for their offices, and leaves many in-betweeners wondering, “Can’t we all just get along?” Yet, what we all long for is just civility, especially in our workplace, where polite courtesy is tough to maintain at times.

We’re reminded of the yearning for civility as we enter another election cycle. At Welsh & Associates, we’re reminded of how little has changed since August 2020, when we first talked about the concept of civility with the founders of The Civility Project on our Welsh Wire podcast.

Regardless of whether you are a leader or an individual contributor, we all ideally seek to model civility in our workplace. This can often be difficult, especially when we engage with co-workers who hold strong, opposing viewpoints.

So how do we model civility in a way that leaves others wanting to join in conversation with us again, without hard feelings?

• Find the common ground. – Get to know your colleagues for who they are and where they come from. Along the way, you’re sure to find a few things you have in common, helping your relationship with them to be focused on what brings you together more than what divides you. You know others are listening to your conversations and your authentic style will be noticed–and replicated–by others.
• “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.” (Luke 6:31) – If the conversation gets heated, keep your cool and respond in a professional manner. Show respect, listen for understanding, and allow your colleague to vent if needed. Demonstrate kindness and grace whether or not you agree.
• “Seek first to understand, then be understood.” – Stephen Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People®, shared this wisdom. He said this was the most important principle he had learned in interpersonal relationships. It begins with active listening (and we could ALL do better in that department!). Covey’s formula is to first understand what others think and feel before jumping in with what you think and feel. Your response will be different–guaranteed–if you slow down, and take that approach.
• “Don’t go in trying to win.” – In our August 2020 podcast, co-founder of The Civility Project Nolan Finley shared the perspective that good civil conversations are rooted in a desire to achieve more understanding, learn something, sharpen your views, or test them. Civility is NOT about trying to convert someone to adopting your opinion. Test your true motives as you talk and set those unhealthy behaviors down.

We subscribe to The Civility Project’s idea that staying apart will never allow us to solve the problems we have. We all want our world to be a better place–we just have different ideas as to how we get there.

Our challenge to you in this highly charged season is simply this: how will YOU model civility in your workday to inspire change?